[GAJEEL] So, you're here for the clock piece too, huh?
I am... It's a pleasure to meet you.
My name is Samuel. The brains of the Legion Platoon.
An Exceed. The one Natsu and the others mentioned.
Indeed. You actually have something
between your ears, young lady. I'm impressed.
[growls]
♪
[HAPPY] So this is the clock piece?
[LUCY] It's way bigger than I expected it to be!
I need to find a way to snatch it from them, quick!
Looey!
You still wanna fight, jerk?
No, I'll admit you beat me fair and square.
Victory is yours. I surrender.
Then will you tell us
what the Legion Platoon's goal is?!
Why are you trying to collect the clock pieces?
Yeah, spill it! Also, who are you exactly?
And why are you chasing after a girl like Lucy?
I don't think I like your tone, cat.
So you want to know my tale?!
Very well! I shall recount it to you in full,
and unadulterated detail!
Just to ensure you get the full effect,
I'll be starting from the very beginning.
Get ready for 'my life in pictures!'
[LUCY] That's really not necessary.
[HAPPY] Defying Calculation!
[DAN] I, Dan Straight,
was born in the glorious seaport city of Seder.
Ah, good ol' Seder...
Home to an ancient brotherhood of knights who protected
the town and its church for generations.
My own family came from a long line of these knights.
As a successor to this proud family line, I lived
a happy, pampered childhood filled with camaraderie,
and the finest of juices.
Unfortunately, those peaceful times
were not fated to last forever...
One day, without warning, a civil war erupted and
split the city in two!
Wow, I never woulda thought that you
had such a messed up past.
And your poor family was dragged into
the fighting and had to struggle to survive.
No... The fighting ended in half a day,
so we made it out relatively unscathed.
And everyone started getting along again
pretty quickly, too!
That was quick!
We've had more intense scuffles
at the guild hall before lunch.
Hang on to your skirt; the story's just beginning!
A few years later, I fell head over heels
for my first love...
A beautiful, young maiden who went to school with me.
I was forced to go to war and when I came back,
I searched high and low, but I couldn't find her anywhere!
So this girl went missing?
Don't tell me she got caught up in the fighting somehow!
She must've lost her life in battle
how heartbreakingly tragic!
Her beauty was unlike any other.
Actually, Loopyloo looks kinda like her.
It's so sad I can't stand it!
That's why you fell for Lucy as soon as
you laid eyes on her!
I feel kinda bad...
but I didn't think he was gonna share everything with us.
So, what? Did you find her body somewhere?
Actually... I found her completely unharmed!
[ALL] Are you kidding me?!
Great, right...? Unfortunately, our union
didn't end up quite like I had hoped it would.
My daily marriage proposals brought her
so much happiness, they frightened her!
In the end, her fear got the best of her,
and she decided she wasn't worthy of my affection.
And, though it took time, I realized she was right.
I can't help but notice that the pictures
and his story don't really seem to match up.
Yeah, it's obvious she couldn't stand the guy.
[DAN] Ultimately, she rejected my proposal
and I cried my eyes out for three full days and nights.
I decided to set out on a sentimental journey
to soothe my sorrow-ridden heart.
During my travels, I crossed paths with many
a lovely maiden; each with her own charm.
[HAPPY] He sounds like a catcallin' slime ball to me.
So the point of your journey wasn't to find a girl
who reminded you of your first love?
Nah I'll never find true love if I limit myself!
The world's a buffet... And every gal is a dish
I'm dyin' to try!
This guy is really starting to piss me off.
[DAN] Due to unavoidable circumstances, no fault
of my own of course, I was forced to part ways
with each girl I met.
[DAN] Because I devoted my life to the knighthood
I will never know what it's like to have love and peace.
Yeah, the story and pictures still don't match up.
I think it's obvious they all dumped him and ran.
It kind of makes you wonder if someone other than
the storyteller drew all of the pictures.
Hughes and Sugarboy did them for me.
They used entries from my travel journal and some old photos
I had as a reference.
Naturally there was guesswork involved,
which means some parts might not be entirely accurate.
I'm pretty sure the pictures are more accurate
than your story, bub.
[DAN] Eventually, I joined the Legion Platoon.
Since then, I've dedicated my life to gathering
the clock pieces at Lord Byro's behest!
That's it!
That's how the great Dan Straight came to grace you
with his presence!
And he lived happily ever after!
That's great... But we really just wanted the story
on the Legion Platoon and why you're set on gathering
the clock pieces!
Sorry Looeypie but I can't tell you any of our secrets.
Because, if I did, Lord Byro would dish out
some fierce punishment.
Then what was the point of that stupid story, jerk?!
Yeah, it made no sense, and the production value sucked.
It's obvious! I told you my tale so that LooLoo
could learn more about her future husband!
Now whaddya say we tie the knot
so we can start our honeymoon?!
[DAN] Loopyloo!
I've got a headache.
I dunno if I can put up with any more of this.
What should we do, Natsu?
We won't get anywhere if we keep messin' around with this wacko.
Unfortunately we can't just pick up
and leave this place either.
We're supposed to wait for the others to find
their clock pieces and meet us here.
[NATSU groans]
I guess we'll just have to relax here for a bit.
[LUCY] Don't "relax"! Get over here and help me!
Hold on... One of the members of
the Legion Platoon seems to have vanished.
It's Coco! I just hope she hasn't gone
and hurt herself again.
Bet you two fish she turned tail and ran.
Why worry about her in the first place?
She is our enemy.
That might be the case, but she's still a little girl,
and I think there's some good left in her.
I can be a good boy!
Don't come any closer!
I'd really like to avoid hurting her
if it's at all possible...
What are you saying, Coco?!
Don't forget, you're a member of the Legion Platoon
and accomplishing your mission always comes first!
Well Sammy, if you want that clock piece, come get it.
I dare ya!
Please do refrain from abbreviating my name.
Samuel will do just fine, thank you.
Don't worry, I can take him down.
You guys focus on digging up that clock piece as fast
as you can.
You're Pantherlily, correct?
I'm honored to meet a senior Exceed.
Y'know when you think about it,
that essentially makes you like an older brother to me.
You are not worthy of calling yourself my brother!
Now, now, don't be so coldhearted!
I mean, we're both Exceeds. We should at least try
to be friendly... "Brother".
You'll have to do better than
that to vex me, "Sammy".
Come on. Let's go dig up the clock piece
while Lily keeps him busy.
Alright, fine... Don't blame me if you lose!
I know all about you, Lily.
Despite being an Exceed, you sided with the humans.
How did our brethren take that, I wonder?
What I did was based on my convictions!
And I have never once regretted my decision.
I can tell that you've got quite a temper.
You'd gain much from being craftier, like me.
Logic trumps brute force.
Sorry, pal, but I've never been
the type to think in terms of gains and losses.
I see. A shame we don't have much
in common, "Brother".
[PANTHERLILY] Stop yammering and fight me "Sammy"!
I'm happy to oblige.
En garde!
I'm much more than just a bookworm with wings.
Allow me to demonstrate!
[digging]
[explosion]
Where in the heck are we?!
[DROY] Those are some weird lookin' statues!
Don't run away!
Come face me like a true warrior!
Charging into a sword head-on is a practice best left
to imbeciles and cannon fodder.
An intelligent fighter considers strategy,
methodology, and outcomes before they attack!
[SAMUEL] You have no chance of winning...
The Legion Platoon has endured training far more intense
than you can imagine. Therefore, we can cope
with any situation! My victory's assured!
[PANTHERLILY] Dammit!
Precisely as I calculated!
I even impress myself!
Now according to my calculations,
he should've landed around here.
[PANTHERLILY] Behind ya, Sammy!
You're remarkably stubborn. Aren't you?
I'm not gonna fall for the same trick
twice in a row!
And I know Gajeel is gonna find that clock piece
any moment now. Your victory is far from assured!
[SAMUEL] Such confidence...
Are you not aware the ruins are filled with traps?
You can't be serious!
[JET] Nothin' up here!
[DROY] I don't see anything that looks like a clock piece...
Hmmm...
There's something scribbled on this one.
[LEVY] Lemme see... It says "I'm hungry". Weird, huh?
[JET] Hey! From way up here...
it kinda looks like a clock face.
Wait, does that mean... it should point
at "snack time" or somethin'?
Sounds good to me!
[GAJEEL chuckles]
So all we gotta do is move it, huh?
[SAMUEL] I told you, there's more to me than
just intelligence. My combat skills are unparalleled.
Statistically, you've got no chance of winning!
[PANTHERLILY] Gajeel... Please be careful!
[rumbling]
[crash]
Looks like we found it!
[DROY] It's an actual clock face.
Was there a reason for that?
It smelled like iron; I just wanted to make sure.
Well, now that you know, you can carry it.
[LEVY] There's some writing... I bet I can read it.
We don't got time to study the thing, sweetheart.
[LEVY] No, wait! Don't take it off!
[explosion]
I tried to tell you! It says, "Warning!
He who takes this shall face the wrath of the rock guardian!"
[piercing noise]
I told you not to take it, but no,
you just had to go and do it anyway!
Next time talk faster!
Next time listen to me!
[DROY and JET] Could you save the arguing for later?!
[SAMUEL] It appears that your comrades
have managed to spring the trap.
Precisely as I calculated!
I see... So that's the reason
you drew me away from them. You planned this!
You're powerful and you can fly.
That made you a prime target.
Taking all threats out of the picture
is essential for victory.
[piercing noise]
I think whatever's emitting that red light
is the control mechanism!
Yeah, and I bet that's its weak spot!
All right, ugly! Team Shadowgear's about
to chew you up and spit you out!
[LEVY] I'll immobilize it first! Solid Script Magic!
Oil!
Now it's my turn to bring the pain!
Chain plant... Grow!
Time for me to finish it off! High Speed!
See that? Does Shadow Gear rule, or what?
Not too shabby but it ain't over yet.
Catch him!
Right!
You okay?
Other than being covered in oil I'm just fine!
Incoming!
[JET] Here goes round two!
[JET screams]
[LEVY] Oh no, Jet!
Sorry, you guys...
My high speed is useless when I'm all slicked up like this.
Looks like it's up to me!
[DROY yells]
[stops yelling and pants]
[pants hard]
[yells]
I knew I should've gone on a diet sooner.
They're both down. Guess it's up to me!
Don't be stupid! Let me handle this!
I'm perfectly capable of handling this myself!
[GAJEEL yells]
I saw that one coming!
[PANTHERLILY] Taking a battle form like this is strange
for an Exceed born in Earth Land.
Yet it's the truth. I was born in this world,
the same as your friends Happy and Carla.
Then explain to me why you chose to side
with the Legion Platoon!
Why do you refuse to show compassion
for those who share your circumstances?!
Zentopia took me in after I was hatched and gave me
a place to call my own.
Lord Byro has been nothing short of a father to me!
I owe everything to Zentopia
and the Legion Platoon.
Repaying that debt is far more important to me than
the Exceeds or Edolas!
Almost there!
So what now?
Damn! If we don't get on top
of that thing, we'll be at this forever!
Gajeel!
[SAMUEL] It's just as my calculations predicted.
I will defeat you, "Brother",
while the ancient guardian takes care of your comrades.
And then, once the dust has settled,
I will take the clock piece at my leisure!
Fightin' on an empty stomach ain't helpin'.
I need some iron and quick!
I guess I could bite a chunk off of this thing.
We need that, metal head!
Find something else to munch on!
Cool it, princess, I was just playin' around!!
Do you think we need to be making jokes
at a time like this?
Run Gajeel!
It's trying to get the clock piece back from us!
Ah, well that makes things a lot easier. [chuckles]
You hold onto it!
[screams]
No, I don't wanna!
[screams]
[yells]
Go get him!
He can't!
Dragon Slayer Secret Art...
Karmic Demon... Iron God Sword!
Our business here is done!
Finish yours up so we can get outta this dump.
It's inconceivable! How can this be?!
I've never once come across anybody
who can elude my calculations!
Perhaps they were incorrect,
but if that's the case, all my strategizing
was completely meaningless! I can't take this!
It makes no sense!
A fight's a dynamic thing...
Strategy helps, but you must be able to adapt
when things go wrong.
It looks to me like you've still got
a lot of learning to do, "Sammy."
My name is Samuel, you troglodyte!
You've left yourself open!
[bone cracking]
[groans]
Still, you are not without talent...
If you challenge me again in the future,
I'll be happy to oblige you.
I know when it's time to admit defeat.
And thanks to our fight, I now realize there are
people in this world who defy calculation.
So you've realized your own inexperience?
On the contrary! It's quite obvious that
I simply failed to anticipate all of the variables!
Next time I'll be sure to incorporate
every possible detail into my calculations!
And then I'll show you barbarians the power of
the only muscle that truly matters!
But right now I need to record every single bit
of data from this fight while it's still fresh in my memory!
[punch]
[PANTHERLILY] Who're you calling a barbarian, huh?!
Looks like Exceeds come in all types too, don't they?
What's wrong? Miss him already? "Brother"?
We're not related in the slightest.
[ELFMAN] Check it out! The lake is shrinking!
Guess Lisanna must've found something down there.
[BOTH gasp]
Good work, Sis! You found it!
I'm just glad that I was able to be useful
for a change. I was beginning to feel like a third wheel.
Silly, huh?
Nah, I noticed it, too.
[MIRAJANE] Okay! Let's grab the clock piece and meet up
with the others!
It's heavy! Manly throw!
What'd you do that for?!
Aw, not her!
[MARY] Thanks a lot, big guy.
I should thank all three of you for helping me
get the clock piece without, like, having to get wet.
[LISANNA] Isn't she...?
[ELFMAN] Yeah, she's that annoying girl
from the Legion Platoon.
[MIRAJANE] Care to explain how you knew where to find us?
I followed you here. I figured it was easier
to let you find it, and then totally steal it
right out from under you. I'm, like, a genius!
Although, technically I guess it was Samuel's idea.
Ha! Three against one? Nice strategy!
Crap! I forgot!
You can try to fight it, but that's not gonna help ya.
There's, like, nothing you can do!
As long as I have this baton you losers are totally my puppets!
[NATSU] Man, I can't believe they're still goin' at it.
I dunno about you guys but I'm gettin' hungry.
What part of "No!" don't you get?!
"No!" doesn't exist in the dictionary of love, Looeypie!
Creep! Perv! Find someone else to try
and feel up!
You do realize that she's not the only
girl down here, right? Michelle is a proper young lady
with a body that won't quit, if you know what I mean.
Hmmm...
Uh... hi.
I see what you're sayin'; she's pretty and all
but I like my girls to have a little more life to 'em.
I don't get it; I guess he's got a thing
for loud-mouthed tomboys.
Are you tryin' to sneak in a jab, cat?
Shall I punish him for you... Princess?
What the heck are you doing here, Virgo?
I didn't summon you!
You know I'm always ready, willing,
and able to offer my help in your times of need.
Princess? I had no idea Lucy was actually royalty!
Of course she is! That explains why she's
so kind and beautiful!
[VIRGO] Princess... I could put him deep in the ground
if that would please you.
[LUCY] Well that, uh... might... be a... little... harsh.
Hello there. Are you Loo-loo's maid?
In that case, I'd like you to prepare a meal
for the two of us!
Something romantic to kindle the fires of love!
I'm not ready to prepare a meal, I'm afraid,
but I can entertain you, if you'd like.
Not that again. Wait a minute,
why are you listening to him in the first place?!
I can't believe you know my hometown's dance!
And you perform it with the grace of a native to boot!
I've performed this dance countless times before,
but I've never been praised for it until now.
[LUCY] Hold on, are they flirting?!
[HAPPY] Well, if you ask me, they're perfect for each other.
It appears I've diffused the situation, Princess.
If you need anything else, let me know.
[LUCY] What...? I thought you were getting rid of him!
[BYRO] How disappointing... I expected you would have
the clock piece.
[DAN] That voice! It's Lord Byro!
[NATSU] You mean, the octo-jerk?!
[BYRO] I cannot understand why the two of you seem
to be having such difficulty.
Our deepest apologies, Lord Byro!
I'm terribly ashamed! I allowed myself to become
distracted from my objective; forgive me, sir!
However, I am happy to report that this holy ground
is where I met the girl of my dreams-
You deserved that.
Fall back and reflect on your incompetence while
I clean up the mess you've made.
Isn't that...?!
Mr. Jude's piece of the clock!
Hey, Octo-geezer! That clock hand belongs to Lucy!
[NATSU] Hand it over, or I'll come up there and roast ya!
[HAPPY] And I'll scratch ya!
I warn you. You won't live to regret it.
♪
[NATSU] What's with these guys?! All we ever hear
from them is blah blah "holy war", blah blah "clock piece."
[HAPPY] Well, They have goals just like we do.
[NATSU] Whatever! Just let me at 'em already!
[HAPPY] Let's just hope they're all as simpleminded
as you are, huh?
[NATSU] If I didn't know any better I'd say
you were insulting me.
[HAPPY] Whaddya mean? It was a compliment!
[HAPPY and NATSU] Next time: The Course of the Holy War!
Well, at least I'm not a war monger, right?
[HAPPY] I would be if it gave me a bigger role in the story.
[NATSU] Whoa...! Sounds like somebody's
got their goals mixed up.